Do you want to find out those characteristics of people pleasers you mistake for being cool? In this article, you’ll get to know what they’re.
What if you were told that being friendly is slightly different from being cool, and that it could be a pain to be friendly, sometimes?
There’s no doubt, being a friendly person is one of the best personality trait you can posses. It’s also a sort of miracle to you from others. It’s all good!
But here is the problem: You risk putting yourself in some unknown dangers when you’re overly friendly, and that makes you a people pleaser.
So, how about being cool? These people are lovers of mankind. As a result, they never come of as rude or annoying, but they’ve got their limits.
This helps them to stay clear from being people pleasers because they’re skilled at separating the friendly from the pleaser.
However, that doesn’t mean it’s not possible to be friendly and not being a people pleaser – you just need to be able to recognize when you’re going off-limit from being friendly to being a people pleaser.
In essence, you need to understand those characteristics of people pleasers to help you on that.
Knowing these characteristics of people pleasers will help you discover some things you never thought.
So let’s quickly see what those characteristics are.
11 Characteristics of People Pleasers You Mistake For Being Cool
Below are the characteristics of people pleasers you mistake for being cool.
1. Struggles to say NO
Saying NO isn’t as bad as you think. Sometimes, this is your best defensive tool. You definitely need it.
You can always be a good person with a kind heart and still say NO.
People pleasers still struggle to say NO, whereas this should be something you boldly say when you’re not comfortable saying YES.
If you always say YES just to favour another person – even when it displeases you, then it’s not a good one.
A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself if you’re being fair to yourself by pleasing another person and displeasing yourself.
2. Fearing negative emotions
People pleasers are good examples of those who fear negative emotions from others.
Of course, you should care about other people’s emotions, but not when those people in return barely cares about your own emotions.
It’s important to know that deceitful people often use this medium when they want to play a fast one on you.
Do you give in too easily to threats of negative emotions from others? That could be a sign.
3. Excessive philanthropist
When philanthropist acts, they always have one thing at the back of their mind: “I want promote the welfare of others with what I have”
Excessive philanthropist on the other hand, gives more than what he or she actually has to offer at his or her own risk.
You’re already way better than majority who don’t possess this trait, so just set limit.
People pleasers usually don’t consider this, especially when they’re been confronted for assistance.
4. Suffering at people’s expense
People pleasers also tend to mistake suffering at people’s expense for being helpful.
While it’s good to be helpful to others, if you go to the extent of giving up your comfort and suffering at people’s expense, then you’re overdoing it.
They can and should be able to understand the situation on board, especially when you’ve explained yourself.
Remember to still have some respect for your kindness.
5. Poor sense of inter-self boundaries
People pleasers also don’t know how to shut everything up when you give them a reason not to be nice.
A person of strong inter-self boundary knows when and how to set boundaries, no matter what or who is involved.
Always mean what you say or do, and do it with full assurance that you’re trying to save yourself from something you’ll regret.
You don’t want to leave yourself exposed to certain dangers.
6. Emotionally dependent
The desire for people or things to make you emotionally stable is another characteristics of people pleasers.
While you may think this is cool, you’re at risk of depending a lot on people to make you happy.
This could also put you at risk of giving in to whatever those advantage seekers comes up with without you considering the effects.
7. Addicted to approval from others
It’s a good act to value taking permission from others, but sometimes, somethings doesn’t call for approval.
This is something that people pleasers have failed to understand, despite how clear it may seem to them that it’s okay to carry on.
If you know what you want to do is the right thing to do, go ahead and do it. You have no one to answer to.
9. Much desire to be liked
As good as it may seem to be liked by others, unfortunately, not everyone is going to like you.
Your haters are prove that you’re doing something right. They should pass subtle hints that you’re in game.
On the other hand, trying to get your haters to like you will only cause damage to your self-esteem, and force you into doing certain things wrongly.
However, people pleasers are yet to understand this, so they keep caring where they shouldn’t.
9. Feels shattered by criticism
Seriously? You think you can please everyone? How possible could that be?
I can tell you over and over that no matter what you do, there will always be people out there who will still criticise you.
People pleasers gets shattered by criticism as they fail to understand this fact and beating themselves up. You won’t be able to grow yourself effectively if you let the criticism get to you.
10. Acts based on other people’s goodness
This is something that people pleasers always find themselves doing. They let the goodness of others determine how they should act.
This puts them at the position of not doing what their heart tells them to do.
They jump into action not minding if the said good deed was a genuine one to begin with. This often make them victims of being played.
11. Blindly believes in other people’s goodness
Finally, similar to acting based on other people’s goodness, people pleasers blindly believes in other people’s goodness.
Except in this case, they believe blindly in other people’s goodness without focusing on looking at the bigger picture.
Sadly, most of the good deed they believe comes with inferior motive. It is best to say that you should be mindful of how you consider people’s goodness.Let's connect